Dating a single dad relationship
“Good” or “bad”; intentional or unintentional – whatever the child is exposed to is absorbed into their unconscious, and anything that is repeatedly placed there becomes part of the very fabric of it.This is why girls will mistake their fathers’ issues for their own – if their father doesn’t relate to them with love, they’ll assume they must therefore not be loveable.“The quality of a daughter’s relationship with her father is always affecting her relationships with men – either in good ways or in bad ways,” writes Dr Nielsen.“When a woman doesn’t trust men, can’t maintain an ongoing relationship, doesn’t know how to communicate, or is co-dependent, this is probably because her relationship with her father lacked trust and/or communication.” Nielsen also writes that a poorly fathered daughter may be, “too clingy, dependent and jealous. Or she is very distant, untrusting and emotionally cold and thus ruins her relationship. And as a further illustration of the profound impact this relationship has on a daughter, not only are girls who have positive relationships with their fathers less likely to develop eating disorders, and vice versa.N is in her late 30s and enjoyed a privileged upbringing.But her relationship with her father has been a source of great pain in her life.The first man every female bonds with is her father, and that imprints on her so strongly that any later relationships with men – including romantic ones – are filtered through that experience.
I’ll end this with some words from one of my all-time favourite books – grow up in a dysfunctional home? When Carl re-entered the dating world after his divorce, he met Josie and was really attracted to her.After dating for a few months, he thought that the relationship was developing to the point that he should introduce Josie to his children.Most women subconsciously gravitate towards men who accord her the same level – or lack – of value and empathy our fathers did.
So if your father neglected to let you know how special and valuable you are, you may attract similar relationships with men in your adult life, unaware that you deserve better.As women, they may come to understand intellectually that it was nothing to do with them.What was wired into the deepest part of the psyche can’t be quickly rationalised away, but still – this is a great start on the path back to wholeness.He provided for the family and was always there for his children when needed, but his manner of relating to N alternated, for the most part, between emotionally distant, and harshly judgmental and disapproving.